150 Steps...In the Present Moment

When? The question pops up in my mind frequently these days, much as I try to be in the present moment and not worry so much about the future.  When? We had our company picnic a few weeks ago and it was Baby Central. A newborn, a few one year-olds, some toddlers. Baby Central. And I visit them all.  Everybody's kids and grandbabies. I hold the newborn who decides at the moment to let out a great wail. So I hand him back to his grandma who laughs and says, "It's nice when they aren't yours and you can still do that." "He wants his grandma," I reply, "he doesn't know me."  When? I play a game with a colleague's one year-old daughter. We roll a soccer ball back and forth along the ground to each other. She smiles and laughs each time it comes back to her and laughs even harder as she sends it back towards my waiting hands. Someday I'll be playing this game with my daughter. When? Another grandbaby at the picnic ...

The phone is silent. No emails from the adoption facilitators. Adoption feels very far away right now. My focus is on work and getting healthy. I'm writing entries in the new blog about the other journey that I'm on right now. I try not to think about how long we've been waiting or how long we'll have to wait. Life goes on. Life goes on.

I regularly run into situations at work where I or another colleague make a cultural reference and are greeted by blank stares by younger members of the staff. More than once, insightful references to "The Breakfast Club," the single big hit by "a-Ha", and "Magnum P.I." have fallen flat with a portion of the conversational participants. Thankfully, references from the early 90s at least still manage to get that "oh, I understand what he's talking about" look. Intended to help teachers understand how their students' frame of reference is dramatically different, the  Beloit College Mindset List  for the Class of 2014 just makes me realize just how much has changed from when I was in college to the students who will be working for us as interns this year (#19 "They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone."; #46 "Nirvana is on the classic oldies station."). Geewhi...

I step on the scale again today to check my weight. Stupid, I know. Shouldn't really weigh yourself everyday when losing weight. But I can't help myself. Because I keep thinking that I'm not really losing weight. Somehow in my head I've convinced myself that I was just "overly dehydrated" a few days ago when I weighed myself and so when I step on the scale again today that those three pounds will be right back where they were.  I just assume the worst. How crazy is that? I've been carrying around this weight for so long now that I sorta dumbly resigned myself to the fact of being Fat Old Jenn. And there is a part of me is who is desperately afraid - despite all current evidence to the contrary - that I'll never get rid of the weight. That I always be just Fat Old Jenn. But here's the thing...I wasn't dehydrated a few days ago and those 19.5 pounds I've lost this year -  still gone ! I stand there on the scale today and the num...

Apparently the original Star Wars trilogy is being rereleased (again) for home viewing but this time  it's on Blu-Ray  and with  some never-before seen scenes . I've lost track of how many versions of the Star Wars trilogy I've owned. I think I've emptied my wallet at least for: the original theatrical release on video the remastered version on video the Special Edition on video (I'm sorry, Mr. Lucas, but not matter how you change it,  Han shot first ),  and  the official final real director's version on DVD That doesn't even begin to take into account the number of times I paid to see the first three Star Wars movies in the theatre (both during the original releases and the 20th anniversary rerelease in 1997). And while not everyone will agree with me, those tickets, videos, and DVDs were worth every penny. Now, it's being reissued again and this time with deleted scenes that I don't think were ever in the theatrical cut. Plus, it...

So Chris and I have successfully completed Week 1/Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet. Yep, we drank the SBD Kool Aid.  I know. You weren't expecting that, were you? Well, miraculously, we're doing it. And LIKING it. No, really. So I didn't buy the SBD book that explains the whole diet/way of life. Instead, printed from the web the lists of foods that are allowed/not allowed, bought the latest cookbook, and used the sample meal plans along with the food lists as guides.  The recipes produce really flavorful, tasty meals (so far anyway...we're batting 1,000 for dinners...Asian Beef in Lettuce Cups, Southwestern Turkey Skillet, Beef with Edamame and Ginger Garlic Sauce, Steak with Mustard Shallot Sauce...YUM!!!) It's a bit of work. And it definitely takes planning to be successful. Today Chris and I planned out meals for the coming week then hit the grocery store to purchase ingredients. On the menu this week: Quick Beef Fajita Salad, Turkey Romesco, and C...

Happy National Watermelon Day, everyone! As my wife will tell you, watermelon is, bar none, my absolute favorite fruit and it's worth putting up with hot humid summer days to get my hands on some. Which leads me to wonder...does every kid like watermelon? I hope so. Plus One will need to learn to like it, I expect, given the amount of the juicy delectable fruit is consumed around here.

I've been neglecting the blog.  Life is busy right now. No adoption news. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Wishing we were back in New Hampshire. More soon. I promise.