150 Steps...In the Present Moment

My first day in eight years without a paying job. It feels...odd. Yesterday people at work tell me that I must be so relieved. That it must be nice to be getting rid of my stress. And, yes, it is. But I haven't totally gotten rid of stress in my life...just the stress of working in a job at which I was pretty good for a long time, but on which I had burned out some time ago. Now there's new and different stress... We're officially a one-income family until I can figure out a way to generate some income while I'm a stay-at-home-mom. Hopefully with my writing. I've committed to getting the house in shape for the baby's eventual (and hopefully soon!) arrival in our lives. That means cleaning out all of the closets, getting rid of more accumulated stuff to make way for new baby stuff, baby proofing, painting the baby's bookshelves and dresser, and the big project - sanding/priming/painting the remaining trim on our main floor. That's seven door f

Another op'nin', another show In Philly, Boston or Baltimo', A chance for stage folks to say hello, Another op'nin' of another show. Another job that you hope, at last, Will make your future forget your past, Another pain where the ulcers grow, Another op'nin' of another show. Four weeks, you rehearse and rehearse, Three weeks and it couldn't be worse, One week, will it ever be right? Then out o' the hat, it's that big first night! The overture is about to start,  You cross your fingers and hold your heart, It's curtain time and away we go!  -- " Another Op'nin, Another Show " When it comes to the adoption process, I'm feeling like the stagehands and extras in  Kiss Me, Kate  faced with performance after performance of one show after another in city after city, hoping to finally reach the promised land of a big hit and the bright lights of Broadway. I haven't written much in the

Most days I'm OK. I do not spend much time these days obsessing about the adoption that fell through earlier this year or the one that has yet to happen. Most days I'm OK. I go about my business. The business of living. The business of trying to be in the present moment. But then it creeps up on me. Stealthily.  The sadness. The longing.  Like yesterday. In many ways yesterday is a good day. Gray and rainy. I spend the day in my jammies, reading the last book in my very favorite fantasy series, hunkered down on the couch, enjoying the cat snuggled up beside me. The house needs to be cleaned, but I ignore it in favor of the life of the mind and imagination. It is only in the evening when it's finally dark enough for the fireworks to start and I head out with my husband onto our back deck to watch them that I realize how sad I am.  How yet another holiday has almost come and gone. And we are still not parents. I try to enjoy the fireworks, but fail and h