150 Steps...In the Present Moment

I'm flipping through the channels last evening after a long day at work. Chris is at his computer. I hear a chuckle from across the room. "What are you laughing at?" I ask. "I'm reading your post - 'The yuck factor...' I like it," he replies and returns to reading. "Really? You like it?" "Yeah. It's REALLY good." I can feel myself blushing and glowing at my husband's praise. Chris is a great writer. He's fast, talented, funny, and I truly admire all of his work...So when he reads my work and compliments it...well, let's just say that I turn into a great big dork with a ridiculously huge goofy grin on my face. So I wake up this morning still basking the glow of his compliment, feeling the urge to write and then I realize... Crap. What am I going to write about? No great adoption revelations yesterday. And no new news on the adoption front either since we just mailed off the last of the stuff ...

OK, I admit it. I'm a lemming. I've now joined the legions of other lemmings who went over the cliff to follow  McDreamy  and Meredith along their improbable romantic journey on  Grey's Anatomy . I'm not a rabid lemming because I'm several seasons behind having only just gotten caught up in the Meredith/ McDreamy  saga in re-runs on whatever channel happens to be channel 40 in my viewing area and whenever I happen to be home to catch an episode or two. The episode I watched last night left me feeling sort of....well, "yuck" if you must know. It turns out that Dr. Izzy has a daughter that she gave up for adoption. Gasp! No! Really? That's not the "yuck" factor. I imagine that there are many Izzy-s out there - successful women who have children that they are not parenting - children that are being raised by others. The "yuck" factor in the storyline is that the  GA  writers opt to tell Izzy's adoption story v...

I'm finding it hard to write after my last very long post. How do I follow up on that? Part of me wanted to write something very light-hearted, witty and amusing, but I'm not in that frame of mind at the moment. Still feeling kind of pensive. And tired. All of the  emotion  of the last few days combined with the intensity of my job has left me feeling worn out... (so, it's a good thing that I'm awake and blogging at 11:26 p.m. on a work night...) There are still thoughts rattling around in my brain about compassion and adoption, but now that I am actually setting fingers to  clackering  away at my keyboard, I find myself too tired to organize my thoughts into any semblance of coherence. As my old camp friend Lisa W. used to say every morning as we dragged ourselves into the Lodge for a few minutes of peace without our campers, "Lord, I am dragging ass today!" So, I will save my ramblings for another evening when I am feeling a bit more energetic. ...

com·pas· sion  (noun) sympathy for the suffering of others, often including a desire to help We're now in the waiting stage. Chris just mailed off the very last batch of adoption "stuff" on Friday. The adoption facilitators will take the next few weeks to assemble our various electronic and print profiles. Once those are done, we wait for an expectant mother to choose us and the we proceed from there. So, shouldn't I be over the moon with excitement and anticipation right about now? Yes? Strangely, what I find myself feeling instead is...pensive. Kind and very well-meaning friends say things to me like, "Wow! So that means that your baby is already getting ready to be born soon!" Yes, this is true. Amazing and true. But it also means that there is an expectant mother out there who is struggling under the weight of making the decision to give up her child to me. She is suffering and that troubles me. Maybe she is poor and feels she just doe...

Finally, the last bit of writing for our placement agency profiles is complete. The photos are collected and there's even an Excel spreadsheet with captions and details for each one. Everything is printed and the CD is burned. Tomorrow the whole packet gets dropped off in the mail and shipped off to our chosen placement agency for their staff to put together and post... our online profile our "Adoption Spacebook" profile our printed adoptive parent "resume" our birthmother letter for the Adoption.com website, and our birthmother letter for the Courageous Choices website The only thing left is the final copy of the home study report which, according to M, is just about done and will be ready to send off to the placement agency as well. So we're sort of done for the moment and it's out of our hands. We now wait for the profile information to be posted. Then we shift into waiting mode and hope that in time, an expectant mother comes to the conclu...

28 questions. That's how many we had to answer on the second to last adoption questionnaire. 28 questions: The basic and innocuous: What is your favorite food? Do you play any musical instruments? The serious and thought provoking: What do you hope to teach your children? How will you help your child accomplish his/her dreams? The so hard to answer: What will you tell your child about his/her  birthmother ? The  vomitous  and upsetting: What makes a  birthmom  special? The answers soon...

We thought we were done. The birthmother letters were written, the "Adoption Spacebook" questionnaire was complete, 60 photos were selected, captioned, and ready to go. The CD was burned and everything was getting ready to be mailed in the morning so our profiles can be created and birthmothers can begin considering us. And then we discovered yet another questionnaire that needs to be completed, this one for the "Adoptive Parents Resume" that is printed and given to birthmothers. Argh! I enjoy writing but this is getting ridiculous. Maybe we'll be able to finally finish the paperwork (or at least this round of it) tomorrow night.