150 Steps...In the Present Moment

"There is a cat," says my 3.5 year-old daughter. We are sitting at a table in our local library and she is "reading" to me from a  Rainbow Fairy  chapter book. Whenever we come to the children's section of the library she immediately secures the lone red plastic wagon with the blue handle (there are also two blue wagons with yellow handles, but apparently these are less desirable than the red) and rushes to the chapter book spinners to peruse and select her books. Recently she announces that she will only select the  Rainbow Fairy  books with the PINK covers. Conveniently there are dozens and dozens of Rainbow Fairy books with pink covers. Once her wagon is loaded to almost overflowing, Esme comes to me to "check out" her books. This involves me sitting with an old computer keyboard in my lap "scanning" each book - passing it over the keyboard while saying, "Beeeeeep." I scan them. She puts them back in the wagon. Today Esme

Do y'all have a list of "nevers" in your head? You know the list...that slightly self-righteous all-knowing "Well, I'll never do this" or "I'll never do that" list. "I'll never date a bad boy. "I'll never lie to my parents."  "I'll never take the easy route." "I'll never get married." "I'll never have kids." "I'll never get fat." "I'll never stay in a bad marriage."  "I'll never get divorced."  "I'll never take a job that I don't feel passionate about." Etc. Etc. Etc. I didn't know that I had a "never" list when my husband and I set out to become parents some five odd years ago. In the front of my brain I just assumed I'd become a mom and it would be all rainbows and unicorns and sweetness and light. OK, well maybe no rainbows and unicorns, but I thought it would be awesome. And it is.